I am a big fan of a new year. It feels like a fresh start and a new opportunity to focus on something particular in my life. I don’t really like to set resolutions, per say, but I love to set some goals as well as an overall area of focus. As the end of 2016 approached, I began to set my thoughts on what intentions I would set for the upcoming new year. I really had no idea. With a new baby on the way, that seemed all-consuming so what else would I have time for?
Being pregnant I am starting to get into a habit of doing a yoga session at home then relaxing in a bath after. It has always been a struggle for my to take the time for myself and do stuff like that. I usually put my own health, body, and self low on my priorities list, sadly. But as I get further along in my pregnancy, my body physically craves stuff like yoga and baths, so it has become impossible to ignore. Of course, as you may be able to relate, overtime I actually do stuff like that, I really do love it. I always compare things like that to eating a salad. You never really want to choose to eat a salad, but you almost always enjoy it and feel really good once you do. Same with working out or most other things that are good for you. Still it’s so hard to make the decision to do those things, for me, at least. Anyway, the point I’m really getting at is that it was a day or two before New Year’s Day and I was relaxing in my bath and I began to think again about my intentions for the coming year. Ultimately one word popped into my head: REFLECT.
It felt so right. Over the past year, I’ve gone through a whirlwind of emotions. I feel like I am finally starting to overcome certain things that have been damaging to my mental health. I’ve recognized that this really only happens when I allow myself time to really think about things and unpack whatever it is that is really going on. With myself, with my relationships. Plus this next year is going to contain SO MUCH. Our daughter will be here in only 2 months. I get to watch her grow and watch her and Bear’s relationship develop. Our family will become complete. I want to, as much as possible, allow myself time to slow down and absorb all that is happening and all that I am experiencing. I want to take in the memories that are being made. I want to look inward. I want to think about myself, and ponder the “why’s” in my life. What makes me truly happy and WHY. I want to explore the reasons I am who am, and accept them or make changes if that seems like the right thing to do.
My husband and I keep a very busy life, I don’t feel like that will change too much as time goes on. We can never seem to help it, we always find ways to squeeze in something else. But I do want to intentionally make time to do nothing. I do want to reduce the amount of time I spend mindlessly scrolling on my phone or my computer and use that toward just being alone and thinking. Letting there be quietness. Paying attention to my surroundings. Just taking deep breaths. Or spending time talking with Geoff and re-living and re-visitng what is going on in our lives. I hope this might result in more writing and journaling. Or expression though art.
The longer I lay in that bath thinking about my intention of reflection, the more at peace I felt. It really is going to be a good year.